Hello!! I am back :) Thanks for letting me take a little time off.. I needed to step back and think about a few things.. And I decided I wanted to share a little bit right now.. A few weeks ago I read this amazing post by Whitley from Queen City Style. We met through blogging - but finally had some face-to-face time during my New York trip last year. I really admired her openness and honesty - and it prompted me to re-think and re-evaluate this blog. I want to make sure I am putting my best work forward. And I realized.. that until I was honest with myself, I couldn't really be honest with my readers.
So I decided it was time to take a bit of break. And I did. No real blogging. No checking my stats or obsessing over my followers. I holed up in my apartment with a marathon of Law & Order: SVU (no like an actual marathon on USA.. okay if we're being honest it was a 3 day marathon) and just reflected. For me, I fall into the trap of "The Blogging is Always Greener on the Other Side" It's so easy to view other women's blogs and think "She has the perfect life" or "I wish I had her clothes" I often find myself wondering "Maybe if I had enough money I could look like that" or "Wow! She's gorgeous - What the heck do I think I'm doing?" I know that I can't be alone in these thoughts yet I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel inspired and challenged. Not envy and jealousy.
Blogging can be such an amazing creative outlet. But it can also be a farce. A false sense of what's really going on. I don't like to post on here to be showy or self-absorbed. But sometimes, I wonder if it comes off that way. Because that's not my true intention. And as much as I pride myself on "keeping it real" on BAD, I'm worried that I have only shown a certain side of myself. One that I want people to believe I have.
But here are the truths: I have insecurities just like everyone else. I fight with my husband and get homesick for my family. I get utterly consumed with questions like am I pretty enough, thin enough, nice enough, tough enough... (this list can go on and on) I miss my close friends - you know the ones who have seen you at your deepest and darkest - red-faced and runny nosed while you hysterically let out your feelings. And while I have enjoyed the last 4 years in LA, I have a serious love-hate relationship with it. It's not necessarily NYC-kick-your-ass tough, but it's a hard city to live in sometimes. It truly is the "Land of the Pretty People" & can spotlight your insecurities in an instant. It's also "Land of the Fake People" which can in turn make you feel alone. Insecure & alone? Not exactly the best combination.
My point being this, I want to be sure I am "keeping it real" on here. I want to be honest and truthful with you guys. I want to truly be the transparent gal I claim to be. So yes, this blog will continue to stay Fashion-Focused. And no, I promise not to turn it into a day-by-day diary of feelings. But every now and then, I may insert a few thoughts here and there about me. How I'm feeling, what I'm thinking or what I'm experiencing. And I hope that's okay with you :) Thanks for listening! :) xo
image via Instagram
You are so sweet, Nikki! Truly. LA is definitely a tough place to live, especially when everyone around you seems like they've got it going on. It's hard not to feel inferior. They don't let you feel otherwise, either. They thrive on feeling more stylish, successful, popular, in-the-know. It's hard not to question your "worth," as shallow and pitiful that sounds. I just think that everyone has a struggle or two that they battle everyday and they're certainly not going to advertise them on their "aspirational lifestyle" blogs or in their daily lives. They show their best selves and that's wonderful and I love to get peeks into their lives, but I just know that everyone, no matter how put-together they look, is dealing with one thing or another, as cliche and obvious as that sounds!
ReplyDeletexoxo,
La Petite Gigi
No you're totally right! I need to remember that a bit more often :)
DeleteRock out doll! I simply love this post. I think the grass is greener trap is something that we all fall into and it takes a lot to pull yourself out and be honest with yourself. I can't wait to see what 2013 has in store for you! (And if you are throwing around the idea of moving to NC, I proactively vote yes) ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry - if we're coming back to NC I'm going to be sure you know ASAP! :) I can't wait to see what 2013 has in store for you too! :)
DeleteYou are a doll and I can't help but agree with you. Blogging is the quinessential 'grass is greener' scenario (or in this case: shoes are fancier?) but it is really just the highlight real of someone's best days/outfits/ideas etc. We all have ish but to be able to share the ish and still post pretty outfits is something I feel is kind of lacking at times. Sure you have a stylin' new do or shoes but I want to more about YOU as a blogger and not just see your outfits. To me,that's what makes me interested in a blog. When they share not just their clothes but their stories as well.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a gem and totally gorgeous and I know it's hard to put yourself out there in the first place so to want to be more transparent is quite courageous. keep it up doll. You're doing just fine and you're right where you're supposed to be. (I should totally take my own advice on this)
Thanks love! I agree that something is lacks on a few blogs too.. Whether it's feelings or even just words on the page. Thanks so much for your support love! :)
DeleteThis is an awesome post, Nikki. You voiced your current state without complaining or playing victim. You are so right, blogging is an endless game of "keeping up with the Joneses" and their green ass lawn. It can give you instant satisfaction when you get positive feedback, or make you second guess everything (about your blog and yourself) when you don't. It's so hard to find a balance between posting pictures which are worth a thousand (vain) words and divulging just the right amount of personal info. I'm glad you took the time to write a reality check. I know you probably felt vulnerable doing it, but it really resonated with me!
ReplyDeleteBethany
www.theBsoup.com
WOW - I couldn't have said it better myself.. Your words are exactly what I was trying to articulate in my round-a-bout bumbling way. I'm so thankful we met during FABB and have continued to stay in touch. :)
DeleteWow! I found you on blog hop but actually found myself deeply interested and connected with what you wrote. It happens to all of us and you are not alone. It is refreshing to hear the honest feelings we all have felt sometime or another. I look forward to seeing what the future of your blog holds!
ReplyDeletexx kelly
Great post! Sometimes it's hard not to obsess about little things or even compare yourself to others, but it's so amazing what a little break can do! Cheers to 2013!!
ReplyDeletexo Ashley
http://www.ashnfashn.com
Honesty is the best policy, but you're right it's a hard game to play in the bloggin world. I'm happy for you that you've come to that realization for yourself. I think even when you begin to write a post filled with what you intend to be honest you check and double check yourself because your putting it out there for others to see...which is hard. Good luck on this new side of BAD. I think it will be better than ever. :) xo
ReplyDeleteP.S. you is smart. you is kind. you is important.
So true EC. Putting yourself out there is scary enough but then wondering how people take it can be even scarier. I'm hoping for some major changes during 2013, BAD not to be left off that list. And thanks for the P.S. true words of wisdom :)
DeleteI love your openness right now. As a new blogger, your blog was one of the few that made me want to finally give in to the blog world! I completely agree with all the feelings you have, I think that is why I secretly don't do many outfit posts (which was my intention from the start). Just know that you have some great people around you & you should never feel less than what you are, amazing! But I look forward to reading more personal posts and seeing a new look into your life!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy happy hour with the hubs!
xoKatie
KATIE! I loved what you said and know that I LOVE what you're doing on your blog! I'm so proud of you for stepping out there and starting your blog. Know that what YOU'RE doing is fabulous and I have loved getting to know you the past few months :)
DeleteGirl,
ReplyDeleteWhere to start? You are everything you aspire to be and more. Obviously, you know you are not alone my friend. I am so, so glad we met in NYC. Thank you for finding me and reaching out to me. You are such in awesome girl... my immediate first impression, just because you took the time to speak to me and say hello. Thanks for keeping it real. When you are ready to come back to the South, I'll be right here waiting for us to go have some fun. In the meantime call/email me anytime!!
LOTS OF LOVE and Happy New Year! 2013 is gonna be great :)
xx-Whitley
www.thequeencitystyle.com
That 10 minute conversation standing in the main room at IFB continues to resonate with me. I have SO loved getting to "know" you and actually getting to know you. You are a SPECIAL gal and I am so excited to continue being friends and maybe even neighbors one day. ;)
DeleteNiki - you're an awesome writer and I love hearing your voice. The thing that sets you apart from other blogs in your demographic is that you're friendly and approachable. That's what draws me to you. What we do is tough and playing the comparison game is maddening, but you have to trust that what you have is exactly what someone else is looking for. Because it is.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading more from you in 2013!
Alison
www.getyourprettyon.com
Wow. Alison. You're words have truly touched me! I hope you know that I feel the same way about your blog. You are so personable - like a REAL woman. Battling the everyday battles that everyday women experience. And I appreciate that you do it with whit, honesty & sweetness. So happy we've found each other!! :)
DeleteI really admire you for opening up like this. It can be hard to do. I can understand where you're coming from because someone actually commented on my blog last week that my life seems so perfect - she didn't say it in a mean way at all, quite the opposite, like she admired me for my life being so perfect. It really made me think a lot about how I'm coming across - I like to be optimistic about life in general and not focus on the negative, that's why you won't see many of the bad things on my blog (like, I hate living in NJ away from my family and that's why we're moving home to Mass), or make them more of a joke (like my having to be on a spending freeze). Although I do feel like I'm "real" and I've never, ever tried to be someone i"m not, I do feel like I could open up a little more, like you just did. This was really inspiring, and I appreciate it :)
ReplyDeleteGood for you lady! I struggle with being completely honest on my blog as well. It's so much easier to be very surface level when writing. I love reading the honest posts and strive to do this more on my blog as well. Baby steps, right?
ReplyDeleteAwwww I love this very candid post Nikki....we should always just be ourselves & try to be very sincere as we can. Looking forward to more of these posts from you!!!
ReplyDeleteREBECCA
www.redtagchiclosangeles.com
You hot it dead on! Great Post...I will be looking for your upcoming posts!
ReplyDeleteJen M
hit..I need re-check what Iwrite before commenting..haha
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